Dish Upon a Star

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Dishbrother and I fear that Meryl Streep’s The Iron Lady will be the new Mommie Dearest. The poster is just too much. I enjoyed Meryl’s Julia Child, but have the icky 6th sense her Thatcher will have us rolling in the aisles and not in a good way. Bon appetit! Scrub, Christina, scrub!!!

Day 3 of Ashgate: Demi and Ashton were caught celebrating Rosh Hashanah together today. That’s MADNESS! Ash’s alleged bed partner is allegly trying to make tons of money over the tryst. Did she CSI the “remains” of the lay? I wonder what Demi/Ashton are doing right now. Do they care what I’m doing? Dish is posted in front of a fan, hoping the dank heat in the apartment lifts. Oh hell, maybe it’s early menopause. Cut to Samantha from Sex and the City hurling her wig into the audience and wiping her boob sweat.

Speaking of boobs, the buzz is that Chris Christie might run for Prez. As a resident of New Jersey, Dishmama is, no doubt, fuming. But can we cut the fat jokes? David Letterman did a dull, offensive top 10 that probably incensed most of America.

Justin Theroux woke up to bologna on his motorcycle. There are so many jokes one could make.

The Big C finale has blown my mind with one of those “twists.” And just started watching one of 5 last episodes of All My Children. Seeing Angie and Jesse together made me sob like a jackass.

You gotta wonder–no one is denying the breakup, which makes me think: 1. They might really be breaking up. 2. Someone has crabs. 3. We’ve been punked. 4. They are building hype for world domination. That would be so Ashton/Demi. In all of this, I envision many, many hot Twitter pics of Demi in a bikini.

So where were you when Ashton and Demi began their courtship? It must have been 2003. 9/11 still fresh, which means Dish wasn’t sleeping much, along with most of NYC. I was single, long hair, getting ready for a trip to New Mexico. Dating a little but not into it, going to a Hell’s Kitchen bar every Friday to ogle a bartender who had no interest in me. Not so bad really. When Ashton and Demi started dating, I felt hope that I could be a hot cougar someday. I didn’t have to automatically date mildly-depressed paunchy men twenty years older than me (because that was all that responded to my online ads the second I hit 35). I couldn’t envision then that I’d ever meet my own hunkalicious Prince Charming…

…or that we’d appear on Anderson Cooper’s new talk show (and I do mention “Duran Duran” in the interview). Details to come. Dishmama will kill me for spilling but it’s a slow news day and I’m immersed in drudgery not of a personal nature. This picture is worth the jinx. Move over, Kathy Griffin. Dish is Anderson’s new BFF.

An End of Days clue came last year with whispers of Ashton straying. Ash & Demi then posed seductively on Twitter afterwards, with her arms and legs all over his. Phew, marriage intact. Now there are more whispers, with Demi hinting oh so cryptically that maybe life ain’t so rosy with a man who could be Dish’s son (using high science). Posting/not posting on Twitter is clear evidence of clear BS to Dish. I believe all was done for a while. Most stars break up. I just want to know…when will Bruce and Demi get back together?

RHoBH: New housewives Brandi Glanville is branding herself as a bitch, but I’m so over it. There are enough bitches in the housewives franchise. How is she different? Does she read books? It’s sad to see how Taylor *is* getting frighteningly skinny. I say, send her and her daughter to Canyon Ranch for at least six months. I’ll join!

A List New York: I keep saying I’ll stop watching but I can’t. It’s Gay White Trash.

Dr. Conrad Murray’s trial is happening. My problem with this is, yes, he was probably irresponsible. But so many other doctors are involved…and Michael Jackson did the bulk of the damage to himself in his adult years.

…Brad Pitt! You know Dish is serious because Brad has not always been a fave. In Moneyball–Dish’s top pick for the year–he kicks one out of the park. Gorgeously shot, gripping script (thanks, once again, to Aaron Sorkin), and Jonah Hill proves he can do more than play a gawky stoner. This is what Jerry Maguire could have been. Even if you’re not into baseball, it’s worth the gazillions you pay in the movie theater. Don’t hesitate. Go now! Let’s nudge The Lion King out of that top spot!

SNL cast members Abby Elliott and Fred Armisen have split. AWKWARD! Reminds Dish of the time she walked in on very first boyfriend French kissing another girl at a party with everyone watching to see reaction. Oh wait, that’s not even the same situation. Never mind!

Southwest Airlines can’t keep themselves out of the news. The L Word and Yoplait commercial actress who got to kiss Gale Harold in that scary miscarriage movie Leisha Hailey was kissing her GF on the plane and, apparently, was escorted out by SW personnel. SW maintains that several passengers complained about excessive PDA (pulling off panties or just the French?). If it had been a man/woman kissing, no one would have said BOO. Dish gets uncomfortable witnessing any public sexy PDA sessions, unless with dogs, lions and birds. Then it’s just fun.

Chest area casualties: Nancy Grace had an alleged nip slip on DWTS. Ellen DeGeneres had a mild heart scare and she’s fine.

Desperate Housewives. Really bad. Someone who deserved to die died and now the wives are desperate to cover it up even though none of them did it. Plot hole city! What do you do when a show is flailing? Bring in the hunks. Enter the Scottish rogue who turned down Vanessa Williams. Throughout the whole episode, Dish kept thinking: this show needs Susan Lucci STAT! She better come quick because I don’t know if I can stand any more. Saw first few minutes of Pan Am–great costumes, just okay.

Bullying: It’s all over the news these days. Where was this furor when I was a kid? I wasn’t gay, unathletic, too studious or even odd. I was a redhead! Dish got bullied all the time in middle school. Even today, I deal with adult bullies at least every other day and just swallow my rage. I’m glad that bullies will be ostracized, they’re awful but…why all the coddling now when bullies are EVERYWHERE and always have been? Please don’t send me hate mail. I am heartbroken that kids are committing suicide over bullies. I’m just bitter because fat little J_____ didn’t get thrown in jail for making my life miserable. Though I did kick his voluminous butt one day when I’d reached my limit, even though he outweighed me by 100 pounds and had slower reflexes. Maybe there does need to be more policing since kids have more lethal weapons today…and they use them. With Lady GaGa involved, something might get done.

Dish is seeing Moneyball at the Director’s Guild tonight. Excited! Love movies involving sports.

At around 9am at my deli, I kept a reasonable distance while listening to every word, “An egg on 7 grain toast…” is what Joan ordered. Gotta get that combo of protein and carbs and fiber–good for her! She looked slick in a black pantsuit and pressed hair.

Biggest shocking news: that Kat Von D and Jesse James have split again–even before they had a chance to take Dish’s elocution lessons (derrr, like, whoa, derr). My main rules are: 1. Never go back to an ex. 2. Never date/marry an athlete. With so many fabulous decades ahead of her, Kat Von D already has impressive skills and business savvy. I wish her the best in life, love and moisturizing lipsticks. My feeling is that she dodged a bullet.

Tonight: Desperate Housewives, Pan Am (hard to accept Christina Ricci on TV but she’s so coquette). Will Pan Am make me feel better about flying, enough so that I could go to Paris next year? I have True Grit from Netflix, which TG had wanted to see. Will wait a week and if he doesn’t ask to watch, I’ll send it back. It looks like True Sh*t. The Secret Circle has disappointed me with its slowness and teen guy-liner. Gale needs to get off the teen shows and plunge into a sexy drama. Queer As Folk: The Movie!

22 days until Duran Duran in DC. TG is plotzing.