Dish Upon a Star

Archive for June 2010

Happy Birthday to my much-adored Mamala! She shares her birthday with Olympic-gold-medal-winning and doobie-smoking Michael Phelps, though I’m sure they’re not actually sharing the birthday together. That would be a little weird (yet somehow AWESOME!).

What is Dish doing other than celebrating HERSELF–because what better way to cherish DM than to appreciate what came from DM (i.e. DISH)? Just kidding. Can you tell I’m giddy over the impending delivery of Valentine’s Day, which stars another mother of three: Julia Roberts!!!

This day is full of !!! Cricket-resembling-OMP Larry King is retiring FINALLY and handsome-yet-sketchy-newlywed OMP Piers Morgan might be taking his place. Must watch. Unless it conflicts with something better.

Speaking of better: Happy Birthday, Mommy!

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Word on the street is that Liev Schreiber and Naomi are on the rocks and he’s taken off for Tahiti on a “diving trip.”  How could this happen?  She’s a gorgeous actress who Chooses Interesting Roles* and he’s a triple threat with writing, directing, and acting.  He’s also a CIR and it’s a match made in heaven.  Several years ago, during his Kate & Leopold phase, Dish had a little crush on Liev but was glad Naomi, a respected artist with long luscious blond hair, snagged him.  I’ve moved on since then, especially after hearing what a cranky diva he was during <em>A View from the Bridge</em>.  Dish hears conflicting reports: diva and hilarious.  Maybe he’s both and what’s wrong with being intense about one’s work?  My sympathies remain with Naomi, who is alone with the kids.  Or maybe alone with the nanny and the kids.  Dish knows nothing about these people. 

*Fellow CIRs include Johnny Depp, Keanu Reeves, Edward Norton, Salma Hayek, and Jennifer Connelly. CIRs will sometimes sell out for the big money.  Wouldn’t you?

So much has happened! The world spins over such IMPORTANT OCCURRENCES. First the good news:

Sandra Bullock is single again. We can go back to normal life again where she made romantic comedies rather than dramas (really bad ones during her Jesse James period). I’m glad she got her Oscar but I hope she’ll focus now on making us laugh.

Today Dr. Oz showed us all how to remove ear wax. Get rid of the Q-tips and have someone drop baby oil into your ear. This will loosen up the wax. Guess what TG’s new job is?

Not so much bad as silly:

Diandra Douglas is suing Michael Douglas for profits on Wall Street 2. It sounds ridiculous and greedy but good work if you can get it. Sue your ex-husband while your boy is in jail for drug dealing. Someone has to keep her in plastic surgery.

The US soccer star with the receding hairline Landon Donovan was making us all schmoopie with his romantic reunion with his estranged wife during the World Cup. But some UK babe now claims she’s carrying his baby. He only made that goal from a penalty kick and not from actual shots on goal. I may be killed for saying this but Ghana deserved to win. Dish’s Law: Athletes are dogs.

Drama:

Last night during the BET Awards, pop singing sensation and girlfriend-beater Chris Brown did a six-minute tribute to late pop singing sensation and boy-loving Michael Jackson. Talented Brown became MJ and, while touching to see his breakdown during “Man in the Mirror,” Dish is stunned to realize that the world will forgive him for beating Rihanna black and blue. Public acts of contrition do wonders.

Jennifer Capriati “accidentally” ODed on prescription medication. There’s a wave of that going around with celebs, often leading to death. Hope she hangs in there and gets back into tennis!

Pride

Posted on: June 27, 2010

Happy Gay Pride to all. Or rather Gay Gay Pride to all. And in the spirit of gayness, I’d like to bring up Mel Gibson. He and his current babymama are going through a horrendous breakup. Both sides make outrageous claims of abuse. It’s really heartbreaking when awful people breed. So, please, wear a condom–especially if you’re insane. We’re all stocked up here.

My brain just shorted out over the trailer The Expendables, starring all my favorite action heroes (didn’t see Seagal but that’s okay since he’s been with his sex slaves). TG and I are seeing it without fail!

Speaking of expendable, as everyone watched the World Cup, I’m making a mental list of sad people who peaked in their teens/early 20s, are famous now only for their sordid personal lives and lack relevancy. Dish sympathizes. My peak was eighth grade and I’ve accepted that my best work came about at age thirteen. List so far:
1. Britney
2. Jeremy London
3. Paris
4. Lindsay
5. Gary Coleman (RIP)
6. The cast of Twilight in about 5 years
7. The cast of Glee in about 5 years
8. Justin Bieber in 5 years
9. Wilson Phillips
10. Lee Ann Rimes
11. Jessica Alba
12. The Olsen twins

I’m tired for them. This is why education is so important. After fame, Blossom did something useful with her life. But onto happier thoughts: Gay Pride!

…is supposedly fantastic, from many DishFriends. Time to work against the bad-Tom tide. Or not.

Gross. Dish knew something more substantial led to the Gore split, though how late it is to come forward about a traumatic massage. If he’s so into massages, and dirty ones, why don’t more women break the silence? I understand the desire to stay out of the limelight, but it would be nice to bring down the hypocrites of the world. This bombshell confirms my longheld belief that People Are Crazy. I’m going to crawl into my little cave.

I’ve read lots of crap all over about Tom Cruise and whether or not he’s over. Tom will never be over unless he gets fat (like John Travolta) and makes a string of sh*tty movies (like John Travolta). Sure, he’s gotten freakier with age but never underestimate the comeback, as with his appearance in Tropic Thunder. Tom is good with comedy (not drama), which you kinda see in the trailer for Knight and Day. For some reason, this movie has been projected as DOA, though this seems like a conspiracy and not based on actual suckage. Tom is weird but he has value in Hollywood. For his career, he needs to be funny, play on the outrageous side, then, maybe when he’s in his late fifties, he could try another drama (like Collateral) and be fantastic. Dish looks on the sunny side.