Dish Upon a Star

Archive for July 2010

I may watch AI next season since Kara DioGuardi was fired and Ellen DeGeneres quit. This past season was a bore and I couldn’t get past the second episode. Fasten your seatbelts for these judges: Randy Jackson (zzzz), J. Lo (!!!) and Steven Tyler (!!!!!!). In other news: Roseanne‘s Sara Gilbert has come out of the closet, and I just emerged from the kitchen. Poor Zsa Zsa needs feeding tube. Don’t you get the feeling her husband pushed her down a flight of stairs? Lastly, Lindsay doesn’t even have a decent pillow in jail. She can have mine since I don’t use one.

My Fairy Godmother sent me Sex and the City The Movie and I cannot wait to watch it, if only for the wedding ideas. Okay, that was a lie. I’m watching it for Kim Catrall!!!

Today: Such boredom. The kind where you go back and forth between desk and computer until exhausted. I’m coming off the high of going to Macy’s last night and salivating over the big poster of JULIA at Lancome counter. Today, I’m reduced to eating a cookie because it’s there. Glaring at To-do list and accomplishing nothing. Avoiding making phone calls. There’s no sunshine over the fact that Janice Dickinson is picking fights with Rachel Uchitel (as we knew she would) on Celebrity Rehab. Looking forward only to watching TG’s face as we view Jersey Shore together as a united front. He’s intrigued by Snooki and I want to show him that the path to wisdom resides in a life without Jersey Shore. Let’s watch The L Word instead.

I ordered Alexandra Lebenthal’s The Recessionistas on Kindle. Figure since it’s a recession, I would not pay full price. Have to get through my latest Deepak Choprah, which though calming seems rehashed from earlier books.

Kathy Griffin is signing at Border’s at Columbus Circle on Monday 8/2. Do I dare go?

Victoria’s Secret is a lovely farm for future baby-makers. Jill Goodacre, Stephanie Seymour, Adrienne Lima, Heidi Klum, Gisele Bundchen and now our darling Miranda Kerr. Allegedly, she’s been impregnated by boring-yet-cute Orlando Bloom. Congratulations to them both.

In only slightly more exciting news, Google Alerted Dish to the promise of a shirtless Gale Harold in Passenger Side. The flick itself looks like a stultifying yakky yakky man-road story but, people, Gale Harold = happiness: http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/01/13/adam-scott/.

Chelsea Clinton is getting married and huge tents, 500 guests are involved. Dish would faint on sight, which is why the TG-D union will be smaller. I will only need 1 lorazepam for every 100 guests. It seems like just yesterday Chelsea was gawky and in braces. She’s turned into an elegant young woman.

According to Elisabeth Hasselbeck on today’s The View, the surge of older women going gay is because of a lack of men. If I hadn’t found TG, I’d be a lesbian for sure and now I know why! Most of my female friends have said at least once after a bad boyfriend, “I wish I were gay.” I did, too. If only for the events, clothes, and bad movies based on my issue.

DishMole reports that Teri Hatcher was, like, a normal down-to-earth mom when she came to the summer camp on Parents Day last weekend. I hate this! Why couldn’t she arrive in a limo, shriek at the conditions and snatch a camp counselor’s virginity? The only slightly negative comment was that she was “very white and skinny.” That could apply to Dish, too, from the neck up. Do these new findings mean I have to stop hating Teri?

Last night’s Mad Men. TG and I both thought it was mesmerizing, the writing was “tight” and we were on the edges of our seats. A letdown but everyone looked smashing.

Lastly, our favorite father-knows-best, Michael Lohan is trying to sell topless photos of his equally crazy fiancee, Kate Major. They are so lucky to have found each other. Landfill in love.

Nepotism is so useful. Madonna’s wee bairn Lourdes “Lola” Leon is starting her own fashion line, described on the blog: http://blog.materialgirlcollection.com . Lola has been hip since she was pulled from Madge’s belly via C-section. I’ve followed the girl since 1996 and she’s a true trend setter like her mother and not a clone either. It helps when you have kazillions funding your cause, even better when you have the talent to back it up. Now let’s hope Lola stays on the straight and narrow.

Katie Holmes as Jackie O. I’ll go against the grain and say: Yes. She’s a cutesy version of Jackie and before she got Cruised, she could act. Let’s hope she gets the accent right. I’m rooting for her to be frighteningly good, as was Drew Barrymore in Grey Gardens. Didn’t expect a lot and she killed. We know Greg Kinnear will be amazing as JFK.

According to Twitter, Amanda Bynes is un-retiring and I’m back eating solid food. No more worrying about her financial future or how she’ll spend the next 50 years. And no more fears that the movie world will be populated by literate and unpredictable stories.

In an upset heard round the world, TG finds himself charmed by none other than “Snooki.” She is now my most hated person next to Teri Hatcher, who by the way, showed up at a Massachusetts summer camp this past week. I’m waiting for the reviews via DishMole. The food remained untouched.

Great news: Lindsay Lohan might be cutting herself in jail. This is the best thing an actress can do to move ahead. Angelina Jolie used to cut herself and she now commands a 20 million dollar salary. Salt has had a big opening weekend, much of it due to Ange’s past destructive ways. Get out the razor blades and make some marks, Linds! She’s need a few more surgeries, maybe a bit more schooling (Angelina doesn’t sound like a moron), and better film choices. She should also ditch her entire family, pronto.

On a brighter note, TG and I celebrated J.Lo by watching Maid in Manhattan. We honored Jenny from the block, along with the late Natasha Richardson whose over-40single desperation is not to be missed.