Dish Upon a Star

Archive for August 2010

…because he hasn’t aged a day since Interview with a Vampire. It’s a real treat to watch some of the industry’s worst acting–and yet, everyone in the cast has done good work in ensuing years, just not in that sh*tfest. Would love a do-over where Brad and Tom roll around in bed, locking red eyes and saying poetic vampire things.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Not sure I can take another housewife after the deplorable D.C. version and the skankiness of New Jersey. Poor New Jersey, a beautiful state that gets a bad rap in the media. Now Beverly Hills. Dish will give this one a chance ONLY because I want to support Camille Grammer. That first episode better be dazzling.

I was excited to see Machete because it combined people I love, like Robert DeNiro and Steven Seagal (pre-sexual harassment allegations). The trailers turn me off and the flick looks way overdone: slick, look at me, with a cool factor that’s so cool it’s uncool. Lindsay Lohan as a nun with tongue licking a blade–child’s play. Get Maggie Smith and maybe I’ll play your weird reindeer games.

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Dish was feeling a little down today until seeing Julia Roberts in a bikini on p. 15 of the Post. Thanks, Splash photogs! Sunshine burst through the clouds, people held hands around a giving tree and the world thrived once more. I’m no lez, but I do appreciate over-40 babes flaunting their wares.

Dish looks exactly like this in a bikini, except 5 inches shorter and a little fatter.

Emmy wrapup: By 9:30, I started to doze. Too many stupid Twitter comments, cheesy presenter sexual innuendo, the guitar bs, and the inane questions to nominees who are not glamorous actors. A fine f*ck-up by the writer of Modern Family and we know who’s a big cheater. Fun show, though, Fallon was better than expected, and our darling, talented bear Eric Stonestreet won! Of course, I nearly fainted with excitement over Jane Lynch in a fabulous gown. Dresses: Going out on a limb to say my favorite of the night was January Jones, who rocked that scaly blue Versace contraption. She just looked pretty with the blue and non-shelaqued hair. Most of the black gowns were drab, except for Edie Falco, Susan Sarandon and Julia Louise Dreyfus. Lots of worthy winners. TG got misty over seeing his new BFF Will Arnett as a presenter. He had that glaze one can only attribute to a CAIT (celebrity-aholic-in-training).

Attention, ladies: According to the Post, Tiger Woods is moving to downtown Manhattan. Yeah, that doesn’t do anything for me either.

What else is new: My legs looked good today and so I ordered a grilled cheese from my new favorite cafe, Westville. You must go there. They specialize in vegetables, which are delicious, but suspect they’re all fried in bacon fat.

Emmys so far:

Jimmy Fallon is a much better host than I thought!

I heart Jane Lynch more than life itself. She looks great in a track suit and a gown!

So adorable to see Betty White grinding against Jon Hamm.

Great film clips.

I feel bad but I’m feeling personal backlash against Ryan Murphy for screwing up Eat Pray Love. By contrast, Glee is fabby.

HURRAY FOR EDIE FALCO in Nurse Jackie!

So far very happy for everyone. Even TG is enjoying it.

Why are the Emmys so much more fun than the Golden Globes and the Oscars? Maybe because TV stars aren’t as full of themselves?

Paris was arrested on cocaine possession. I’m sure it’s all a big mistake. TG says she’s excellent in House of Wax. We need her back where she belongs. She’s proof that anyone can be famous. Poor Paris. Why was she named Paris anyway? Is that where her parents conceived her? How many children are named Exit 5 to Danbury?

Today’s thought: I’m 42 and missing those days when I could easily fall asleep. Today I saw a sleep-deprived mother of a newborn and thought that a child might cure my insomnia. Great idea! I’ll name him/her Seventh Avenue Dishenstein.

Since when does anyone want to watch Bristol Palin? She may be spun sugar but why did Dancing With the Stars hire her? I’m already asleep. This makes me want to commit a drastic act. How can Dish ever compete? I console myself that Lindsay Lohan is back on the streets and will, no doubt, give tabloids something to write about. I can hear the stillness before all hell breaks loose.

Speaking of hell: In the world of Dish, the past few months have been marked by evil. We all come across losers, but more obnoxious are the angry ones who live to spew on happy people. They drain your energy and suck precious oxygen, kicking you like Hotch kicked Dr. Reid on an episode of Criminal Minds. To all these angry losers who enjoy making others feel bad: Blow it out your kazoos.

I know, very Un-Julia, except for when she wore that mean T-shirt while Danny was trying to get divorced.

TG and I are exhausted from life–so much wedding, drama, work and not enough Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and cupcakes from Kitchenette. We’re (He’s) cooking turkey chili and escaping the world with Criminal Minds. But before that, I must report some peculiar news.

Apparently, two stars of Glee, Mohawk and Slutty Brunette, were dating but something happened JUST IN TIME FOR THE NEW SEASON. Actors, PR, Agents, Producers are brilliant in how they orchestrate these dramas.

Just when you’d fallen into a peaceful sleep, John Mayer opened his yap again–excessively–though this time, I kinda agree with him. The Huffington Post reported on rumors that he and Aniston were dating again (What’s wrong with their hooking up from time to time? Maybe that’s all they want!) and he skewered them. During the 2008 Presidential campaign, I came to loathe HuffPo, though I admit to grazing the site often.

In the vein of decaying old men, French acting legend Gerard Depardieu maligned Juliette Binoche, calling her “nothing.” Il est très fatte.