Dish Upon a Star

Archive for December 2010

Sense and Sensibility: What’s not to love? Emma Thompson acts 28. Kate Winslet’s frightening curls to go with her frightening emotion. Hugh Grant walks around as if he’d just been kicked in the nads. Emma had had a relationship with Willoughby and wound up divorcing no-lips from Henry V and marrying Greg Wise. Movie message relates to the injustices women endure with inheritance and marriage. Marriage is the only choice and should you choose for love or for practicality? Wouldn’t it be nice to have both? Such is the Austen way. Or rather, things turn out better than you could have imagined. My favorite scene is when Alan Rickman throws money into the air at the end. Such a nice thing to do.

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If a wife gets screwed over in love, she might as well get tons of money, especially if she’s helped amass the fortune. I’m glad Kelsey Grammer wasn’t smart enough to have a prenup after two failed marriages. Going into his fourth, still no prenup. I hate that I still love to watch Frasier!

Dish spent the day treating a sinus infection with antibiotics. Modern medicine baffles me but I’m thankful for its miracles. That said, taking these strange pills involved grueling hours of paranoia, psychosomatic symptoms, and euphoria that I can now stand up without getting dizzy. Poor JJ had to deal with diva-like behavior yesterday with my inability to lie back for hair washing.

No one got engaged or pregnant today.

In & Out: Rule #1, if your groom hasn’t had sex with you in three years, he’s gay or cheating. If he loves Barbra a lot, he’s gay or just wants sex with Barbra. So how could these yokels not know that Kevin Kline was gay? Unless he didn’t know it himself. In some ways, this story is a bit dated. Times have changed a little bit about homosexuality. I feel bad for Joan Cusack’s character who’s tried to transform herself to be a bride and gets shat upon. Then, she gets someone better who loves her for who she is. It’s all about loving whom you love. And gossiping with old women about a man with three testicles. This film doesn’t prepare me for marriage so much as show me a fun situation, entertaining gay stereotypes and a kiss between Magnum PI and Kevin Kline. Just lovely. Delicious and nutritious.

Radaronline reports that Charlie Sheen is partying and I find this sad. Not because of his health so much as his craggy appearance. I hate to say it but…maybe Charlie needs Scientology. Every celebrity involved in that religion looks fantastic. Though his torso is oddly shaped (see Jerry Maguire bed scene and stills of his shooting Mi:4), Tom Cruise never ages.*

News from the family made famous solely by Kim’s sex tape, Khloe Kardashian and her hubby get their own reality show. It’s the new Newlyweds only more depraved. Then Rupert Everett dissed Jennifer Aniston for staying golden despite poor movie choices (sort of true)? Really, Princess Daisy and The Next Best Thing? Of course, I can’t wait to read his autobiography sitting on my shelf.

Just in time, I tuned in to Duran Duran on the 4th hour of The Today Show. It was my first time watching with Kathie Lee and Hoda. I thought people were kidding with their drinking wine. Too much wine since Hoda thought DD’s song was “Hungry Like the Wolves.” It’s not funny.

*Trivia: Dish is three degrees from Tom. How so?

Say Yes to the Dress: Season 1–I tried to avoid wedding reality shows but now I wish I hadn’t. They are life-affirming to me right now. I see brides freaking out (I’m doing some of this), brides being indecisive (that’s me), brides being super controlling (also me) and worried about being nervous right before and will I look okay, so many people there, do I seem bridal enough, will I have a nervous breakdown at the altar, OMG am I hyperventilating, is my face sagging, why is my forehead so shiny, these heels are so damn high, I’ll trip, will I get an inner ear infection as I walk down the aisle, if I don’t sleep or eat, will I still be marvelous? OMG is everyone okay? Did I offend anyone, do these escort cards look like cheap crap, my makeup will crease into my face, why do I like the sparkly pens, I’m not in kindergarten! The wedding organizer will sh*t on me for pushing the vegetarian option, and why the f*ck didn’t I get my chipped front tooth fixed before my big day?????

So…deep breath…yes, it’s good to watch all this because I won’t feel alone in this bridal experience. The only thing I feel sure about is that I’m marrying my Prince Charming and I can’t wait to be his wifeepoo. Have lost count of how many times I’ve tried on my gold band.

LeeAnne Rimes and Eddie Cibrian are officially engaged, as are Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth. I’m by so many engagements this past week. After some hellacious breakups in 2010, there had to be ecstatic makeups. Love doubles as Elton John and his husband bring a new baby boy into the world via surrogate. I remember when Elton was bald, but now he looks like Marge who used to work with me at the dry cleaner’s circa 1988. She always wore curled wigs and had a ciggie dangling from her mouth as she handled clothes. Those were the days.

In OMP news, Jeff Goldblum is dating Lydia Hearst. An interesting couple and Jeffy does tend to go super-young. Lots of ado over her playing Lindsay Lohan in Dogs in Pocketbooks (I didn’t know she was a actress). It’s kind of silly to have so much hype long before a movie is out. No one will care in a year.

Only You: This one is a stinker. Newly engaged Marisa Tomei flies to Rome for the purpose of chasing down another Mr. Right conjured from a childhood Ouija board session. Robert Downey Jr., likely knee deep in heroin by this time, is a comical yet sardonic hero/shoe specialist. He falls instantly in love with Marisa and why wouldn’t he? Ah, the early 90s and that desperate need in movies to marry anyone, even if it’s Mr. Wrong. Mr. Wrong is usually a buffoon instead of what he should be, the victim of an immature heroine who has her head up her ass. If you ignore the sniffles and allergies, Bill Pullman sort of pulls it off at the end of Sleepless in Seattle. I hate dumbass heroines, though love Marisa Tomei. Her eyebrows are fabulous.