Dish Upon a Star

Archive for May 2011

I blame it on the humidity! Dish tends to drop poundage in the warmer months due to wanting to display the best ghostly bikini body possible. The latest US Weekly is full of bikinis and ripped abs. My award for scariest bikini bod goes to Leeann Rimes, who appears positively skeletal in her recent beach photo ops.

Promos for True Blood keep surfacing and I gave up on the show last season. All they did was glare and look sweaty. No one except for the gay cook interested me, though Dishcolleague’s love for Alex Skarsbar and the bearded werewolf make me want to see what the fuss is about. My favorite castmember, Jessica Tuck as Vampire Nan, hasn’t gotten enough airtime, but I read she’ll be on a lot more this coming season. Now that would make me watch…

On an unrelated topic, is anyone watching The Real L Word, which premieres this Sunday? Yeah, me neither.

In the vein of sexuality issues, Dish finally watched Becoming Chaz. Since I grew up watching Chastity Bono in the arms of her AWESOME parents ON TV (How many of you wore a towel on your head to mimic Cher? Yeah, me neither), I resented her whining about not feeling good about herself. With the announcement of her changing genders, I thought, Gosh, another thing for this poor-offspring-of-celebrities to be miserable about in public. This documentary put her struggle into more perspective for me. I can’t imagine the pain of living in the wrong body and hope Chaz is finally happy. Her girlfriend was very entertaining, kind of like Chaz’s mother….

We’re all just a big wonderful mess, aren’t we?

Page of Swords (Reversed): Gossip can be invigorating and bonding–or it can be like herpes. Today, it is the latter. Today, try to restrain yourself from excessive confidences or chattiness. You might say the wrong thing to the biggest chatterbox who will then tell your secret over a loudspeaker–just as Usher did in the movie She’s All That. By the same token, if you encounter a gossip gremlin, spray yourself with cosmic fairy dust for protection, smile, and back away slowly.

Just for today, let’s all just be nice. Celebrate later with a G&T–or a delicious Red Bull if you’re under 21.

Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight have split after five years of marriage. Where was Dish five years ago? Watching them plan their wedding on My Fair Brady and feeling that it would crash and burn due to Christopher’s virulent narcissism. How did their union last this long? So much time out of the spotlight puts a strain on any marriage. Dammit, TG, are you ready for our closeup? We haven’t been featured in the New York Times in almost six months. My hands are shaking with famewhore-DTs.

As you know, TG has a special place in his heart for Snooki. She’s the daughter he’s always wanted. Wait till he finds out she was taken into custody in Florence for crashing into a police car! Too many gelato shots, Snooks?

Dishbrotherinlaw reports that Hangover 2 is the same as Hangover 1 except set in Thailand. Worth a rent but not 13$. He thought Bridesmaids merited the price of admission.

As you pray for our troops on this day, please remember our little trooper, Simon Le Bon, whose ailing vocal chords have forced Duran Duran to cancel many shows. Must Dish wait even longer for them to come to NYC?

6 of Cups: Ah, nostalgia. You are remembering good times, good places and, most importantly, good people of your life. Just for today, you have no recollection of those “special” moments where you woke up in mysterious places after a night of excess, when your first boyfriend staged a public makeout session to break up with you, or when your BFF’s brother put Tabasco sauce in your mouth while you were sleeping. Right now, you are immersed in contentment and a knowledge that you’ve done all right.

After Black Swan, Dish needed more Natalie Portman so rented No Strings Attached. She is the best thing in this candy-fluff. A predictable story, some cute lines, excellent secondary characters with Kevin Kline as Ashton’s dicky father, Mindy Kaling with her sass, and Cary Elwes always in disguise and convincing as a devoted doctor [aside: what happened with his career?]. I recommend this if you want a lazy two hours to swoon over young love. Ashton is lovable but the poor boy can’t really express deep emotions on cue. Every now and then, he succeeds as if by accident, but it’s hard not to adore him. Natalie can do just about anything so I lift my ban of her, which began when I saw her in the alleged first Star Wars where she and Christian Haydenson (sp?) stunk up the screen.

Speaking of stink, I finally caught the finale of Glee filmed in NYC. As HersheyKiss might attest, it didn’t have enough Darren Criss, not enough Sue, not enough Wow. The show is top-heavy with soulful, corny ballads. Loved the Finn/Rachel moments, though, and hope these kids have sex next season. I didn’t believe the Patti LuPone cameo for a second–though I love PLP to death. I doubt that diva would ever say something so motivational to a complete stranger. In fact, she didn’t relay such you-go-girl fare to Dishbrother when he met her and gushed his teenage heart out! Dish can’t forgive.

Here it is: 4 of Swords (Reversed)–Boy, did you PISS the day away! You have soooo much stuff to do but did you do it? Maybe not. You might have actively played with the ripples of fat under your chin, or perhaps tried to up your Freecell game by a percentage, or you could have scarfed down another lemon bar, insisting you have a fast metabolism because you worry. You might have made an effort to do laundry but then decided not to because “Sunday is a busy laundry day.” The bottom line is: YOU DID NOTHING AND OBSESSED ABOUT IT ALL DAY LONG.

Was this your day? C’mon, fess up!!!

He’s shocked by how much mayo we Connecticut WASPs consume. Potato salad with mayo, 7 layer salad with a layer of mayo, then sandwiches with mayo. It does a body good.

No big news today other than Dishbrother saying that Julia and I have the same stooped posture. So nice of him!