Dish Upon a Star

Prefer Colbert, But Do Enjoy Jon Stewart

Posted on: May 18, 2011

And here’s why:

Arnold puts his weiner in a foreign body and fathered a secret baby, seemingly one catalyst for the colossal marital breakup. How did this stay secret for so long? I feel so horrible for the secret child who will no doubt be discovered and ripped to shreds. In true Phoenix from the ashes style, Maria Shriver is a sought-after commodity for the networks. Arnold has nowhere to go but down (his pants) though his career will be resurrected in no time. America is incredibly forgiving of philanderers who humiliate their spouses in crazy fashion.

Potential new couples: Leonardo DiCaprio and Blake Lively–a relief! Every time I think of Leo without a willowy blond, my knees get a little shaky; Justin Timberlake and Olivia Wilde, which neither offends nor exhilarates me.

Prayers go out to Simon Le Bon who has a throat infection.


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