Dish Upon a Star

Archive for June 2011

Everyone–including Dishbrother–is obsessed with knowing if Kim Kardashian’s ass it real. I think it’s real. It’s a real fat ass. Fat ass. Like J.Lo’s fat ass. Not sculpted and muscled, but fat. Dish also as a fat ass that hangs low and impossibly wide for a thin girl. Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass. And if Kim’s ass isn’t real, well, I think she’s really sad. She also has the melones and the botoxed face. Now…has she read her Tolstoy?

Jonathan Rhys Meyer allegedly tried to off himself with pills but his people say he was just hospitalized for falling off the wagon. Can you smell the downward spiral? Jonathan, you’re fabulous. Stop being a joke.

Denise Richards adopted a newborn girl. There, something good.

Just in time to plug the new panned Transformers 3! Shia Lebeouf admitted to boinking Megan Fox. We gossip-obsessed ones find this exciting. But, it’s icky, too. If he were a great actor, this would be no biggie. Well, it’s no biggie, just gross…and obvious hype to get you to see his movie where you can imagine him burning up the sheets with Megan Fox.

Breakups! The Bachelor‘s Brad and Emily broke up and this seemed inevitable. He just seems like such a screwup, as in bad temper, not-so fab relationship patterns that one should outgrow by late thirties, and, well, getting fixed up twice on TV is weird. I wish them well. Then, if your day couldn’t get any worse comes news that Tea Leoni and David Duchovny have separated again. I liked them as a couple, they had a good run. May they prosper and work on awesome projects.

If you heart Julia, you must read The Fug Girls’s piece: http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2011/06/fug_girls_on_julia_roberts.html. Just plain awesome.

12:17pm: I won’t say where he was–since his fans, followers tend to vent rage at me–but I stepped into the subway car and Anderson Cooper was sitting in a seat, being filmed for something promo-ish (like “Anderson Cooper investigates the bowels of the city”). The other passengers were quiet and respectful and, of course, Dish pretended not to see him. Yes, I’m that shy and not wanting to directly invade celebrity-privacy (only passively through blog). How I wanted to snap a cellphone pic but I would never do that (especially since I don’t know how to use my cellphone camera).

(AC, I was the redhead in the bright yellow dress!)

Florence Henderson admits to seeing those creatures crawling around her precious flower after sleeping with a NYC mayor (not recently). Talk about TMI! Now I have an image in my head that won’t leave. And, damn you, Flo, for giving me such juicy dirt that I have to read the entire memoir. Who else did she boink? [aside: learned from Alison Arngrim that Half-Pint bedded Billy Idol, as revealed in her book]

Goddessless Charlie Sheen will be back on TV doing some version of what he did on 2 and 1/2 Men, though I’m not sure how relevant this is to our viewing needs. His day in the sun might be over and I’m grateful.

Michelle Bachman is running for president. I find her less bubbleheaded than Sarah Palin, but boy, I wouldn’t vote for her. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a more open-minded female prez candidate, someone who might walk in the gay pride parade?

Really, there is no news today. Most exciting was reading what Jennifer Aniston ate with Justin Theroux on her double-date with Jason Bateman and his wife: arugula salad, shared pasta with Justin, chicken paillard and sorbet. Even Dish doesn’t eat that much. I would have just had the chicken and a tiramisu. Sorbet is bullsh*t.

Dish was home nursing a sinus infection so didn’t get to see Pride but I imagine there were tons of wedding dresses, which must have been magnificent. Speaking of married, I’m overjoyed at the news that Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz had this super-sexy covert marriage. Imagine James Bond (Dish’s favorite Bond ever–screw the one EVERYONE thinks is the best, I’m sticking with DC!) and that ballsy chick from The Constant Gardener, in which she was awesome, 2gether 4ever. I love it when attractive people officially seal their love.

Catching up on The C Word and it’s metastisized in Dish. I really love it. I adore that Cynthia Nixon and Liam Neeson made cameos! Made me think of the connection between Linney and Liam–aha, Kinsey and Love Actually–and now fantasize that they are close friends who discuss acting together…Dish has her own Celebrity Farmville. Now there’s an idea…

Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz get married in NYC!!!

Daily News got the right cover in that gay marriage is now legal in New York! Chelsea is the happiest place on Earth. What is the Post‘s cover? A woman saved from suicide with subtle mention of bill’s passing at the bottom. Screw them!

Anistoux is in town and Dish is dying to catch a glimpse, but it’s nice to give new couples breathing room. I wish he’d shave the beard. It is just hideous, though the Grizzly Adams look gets attention. Does he get egg whites stuck in it?

In sad news, the great Peter Falk died. I loved, loved, loved him in Murder by Death and The Cheap Detective. What an icon from Dish’s youth, those freaky warm eyes, scratchy voice and dry humor. RIP, Columbo!

Someone needs to explain about these new allegations against Tobey “Squeaky” Maguire and the illegal poker games, hookers and blow? I’m confused.

NPH and David Burtka are getting married. I sort of feel as if they are THE couple of New York City and have been for a while. I once saw NPH in Park Slope but that was six years ago.

James Spader might be replacing Kathy Bates on The Office. This actor has grown on me and I’m sure will make The Office more palatable if Steve Carrell won’t be there.

And now, back to my working weekend. Two projects to finish by Monday and then continuing a long sojourn in the flaming fires of Satan’s lair, which has been extended through mid-July.