Dish Upon a Star

Posts Tagged ‘Ashton Kutcher

Dishbrother and I fear that Meryl Streep’s The Iron Lady will be the new Mommie Dearest. The poster is just too much. I enjoyed Meryl’s Julia Child, but have the icky 6th sense her Thatcher will have us rolling in the aisles and not in a good way. Bon appetit! Scrub, Christina, scrub!!!

Day 3 of Ashgate: Demi and Ashton were caught celebrating Rosh Hashanah together today. That’s MADNESS! Ash’s alleged bed partner is allegly trying to make tons of money over the tryst. Did she CSI the “remains” of the lay? I wonder what Demi/Ashton are doing right now. Do they care what I’m doing? Dish is posted in front of a fan, hoping the dank heat in the apartment lifts. Oh hell, maybe it’s early menopause. Cut to Samantha from Sex and the City hurling her wig into the audience and wiping her boob sweat.

Speaking of boobs, the buzz is that Chris Christie might run for Prez. As a resident of New Jersey, Dishmama is, no doubt, fuming. But can we cut the fat jokes? David Letterman did a dull, offensive top 10 that probably incensed most of America.

Justin Theroux woke up to bologna on his motorcycle. There are so many jokes one could make.

The Big C finale has blown my mind with one of those “twists.” And just started watching one of 5 last episodes of All My Children. Seeing Angie and Jesse together made me sob like a jackass.

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You gotta wonder–no one is denying the breakup, which makes me think: 1. They might really be breaking up. 2. Someone has crabs. 3. We’ve been punked. 4. They are building hype for world domination. That would be so Ashton/Demi. In all of this, I envision many, many hot Twitter pics of Demi in a bikini.

So where were you when Ashton and Demi began their courtship? It must have been 2003. 9/11 still fresh, which means Dish wasn’t sleeping much, along with most of NYC. I was single, long hair, getting ready for a trip to New Mexico. Dating a little but not into it, going to a Hell’s Kitchen bar every Friday to ogle a bartender who had no interest in me. Not so bad really. When Ashton and Demi started dating, I felt hope that I could be a hot cougar someday. I didn’t have to automatically date mildly-depressed paunchy men twenty years older than me (because that was all that responded to my online ads the second I hit 35). I couldn’t envision then that I’d ever meet my own hunkalicious Prince Charming…

…or that we’d appear on Anderson Cooper’s new talk show (and I do mention “Duran Duran” in the interview). Details to come. Dishmama will kill me for spilling but it’s a slow news day and I’m immersed in drudgery not of a personal nature. This picture is worth the jinx. Move over, Kathy Griffin. Dish is Anderson’s new BFF.

An End of Days clue came last year with whispers of Ashton straying. Ash & Demi then posed seductively on Twitter afterwards, with her arms and legs all over his. Phew, marriage intact. Now there are more whispers, with Demi hinting oh so cryptically that maybe life ain’t so rosy with a man who could be Dish’s son (using high science). Posting/not posting on Twitter is clear evidence of clear BS to Dish. I believe all was done for a while. Most stars break up. I just want to know…when will Bruce and Demi get back together?

RHoBH: New housewives Brandi Glanville is branding herself as a bitch, but I’m so over it. There are enough bitches in the housewives franchise. How is she different? Does she read books? It’s sad to see how Taylor *is* getting frighteningly skinny. I say, send her and her daughter to Canyon Ranch for at least six months. I’ll join!

A List New York: I keep saying I’ll stop watching but I can’t. It’s Gay White Trash.

Dr. Conrad Murray’s trial is happening. My problem with this is, yes, he was probably irresponsible. But so many other doctors are involved…and Michael Jackson did the bulk of the damage to himself in his adult years.

What did you think of Ashton Kutcher on Two and a Half Men? He killed in the ratings. The walking around naked thing might get old, but I enjoyed the funeral scene and how easily the writers could turn a tragic event into comedy. My favorite part of the show: seeing our beloved Dharma & Greg. It wasn’t the funniest show I’ve ever seen, but it’s better than most shows on the air.

Sadness: Mary Ann Mobley and Gary Collins have separated after 43 years. Such a strong marriage from Dish’s childhood. I vaguely remember her talking about a colonoscopy or something intimately butt-related on Entertainment Tonight and thinking, wow, how romantic. Or maybe they had joint-colonics? If Gary and Mary Ann can’t make it work, who can? Save a Prayer for Ms. Mobley as she endures treatment for Stage 3 breast cancer.

Chaz Bono, David Arquette were spectacular on DWTS. Also spectacular: Gays can now serve in the military. Openly, I mean.

I’m not sure why this is Duran Duran Appreciation Day. As far as I’m concerned, that should be every day.

Dish woke up at 5am to watch the truly atrocious Bachelor Pad–mostly to see the Vienna and Jake nonsense. They could all be used as landfill (something TG might say).

Dish might be taking a break from Dish. It seems futile to dish when there is so much other dish for others to read. I love reading tabloids but I loved more writing for a celebrity-adoring audience. After five years, what is the point dishing to my inner circle? I could just talk to them directly about my feelings regarding Jennifer Aniston’s sex life, Ashton’s taking over for feckless Sheen, or Lady GaGa’s latest baloney sandwich costume.

What is the point of a blog, aside from being watered down celebrity theory? Perhaps it’s time to infiltrate. Deep cover Dish. And as always, Duran Duran forever. And Julia.

You know you’re kewl when u hurl offstage during a concert. Kings of Leon singer, Jared Followill, went barfy barf during a very hot concert in Dallas. He even announced it aheadoftime. I pheel 4 u, bro. Sometimes the heat makes me want 2 yakk 2. Lukkily they reskeded during a kewler time.

More essentials: Ashton Kutcher has a *big* trailer (wink, wink) on the set of 2 and 1/2 Men.

Today’s alleged big lie: that Amy Winehouse was in the process of adopting 10-year-old girl from St. Lucia before her death. I’m having myself cloned so that I can be two places at once. My silicone self will have big hairy monkeys flying out of its butt.

Speaking of hair, Dish viewed Rabbit Hole. Nicole Kidman’s tresses looked fabulous, and she is her usual statuesque and striking self. Yes, I spent a lot of time examining her face and how it’s changed since Birth. Her brow had normal wrinkles, which I found refreshing. The lips have been altered, but not so ass-lips as when she was pregs with Sundae-Brunch. Film is v. sad, as you might predict. Great performances by everyone, including Jon Tenney who had the courage to go shirtless at 50. Overall, a touching “it never goes away but you gotta move on” film about death.